It always feels so good if you have good endings in your life. It's more like hitting the game-winning shot that brought the game to a close, and you just have to spread your hands in victory and embrace your teammates.
But it's not just that single shot. It’s not even about the question whether it came in or not. In fact, the whole game's worth it. (Besides, we haven't reached the ending yet, for we still have the denoument to deal with)
I started the semester with a lot of hope and determination to make these last moments count. Everyone's goal is to graduate, but my goal is to do my best and graduate with glory (yes, I admit that). However, this includes making the most out of my last days both here in the seminary and in the university. It involves being involved in whatever we do, making sure that what we bring with us are good memories which we could go back to.
And good they were, as I believe. I had one great academic rollercoaster ride, with all the subjects that I took for my last semester in college life. There was Epistemology with Dr. Tonette Angeles, Philosophy of Religion with Mr. Eddieboy Calasanz, and of course Contemporary Philosophy with the idol of the batch, Dr. Ramon Reyes, and add to that the Catholic Social Vision and, of course, the dreaded end of the journey in philosophy (at least for the Pre-Divinity majors): the synthesis paper and the 45-minute long oral comprehensive exams.
And I believe that after looking back at the last four significant months of my college life, I could say that I was able to go through the final hurdle and execute the last great play. I had to admit that this last four months has been a season of toil and hard work, a kind of striving that is not just for the self, but also for one's own vocation, one's own community, and one's own family. A few weeks ago I had a chat with one of my good college friends, and we had this discussion over making it in the Latin honor roll. With that, I was able to realize that when I first embarked on this journey, I though that everything was for my own self - the everyday school works, community roles, and building bonds with different people. I thought that these would just be one of the trophies that I could carry home and be proud of.
But as the years went by - seminary life became more about passion and commitment, studies and philosophy turned into an intellectual adventure, and friends became indispensible fragments of the self, I figured out that everything was not about just charging your ego with millions of credentials and a lot of titles. Rather, it is about building networks, finding the meaning of one's life as being in various communities where one belongs to. It is indeed true that the meaning of one's life is found only in relation to other people, of respecting them who we are and being with them as both of you grow in time.
And going back to that discussion, I think I had already found the reason for all striving. It's not just about myself. Rather, it is about the Church that I want to serve, the family that loved me for who I am, the community with whom I spent more than three-fourths of my weeks, months, and years, the friends and blockmates who shared not just stories, but more importantly memories with me. All of who I am, my eight years of seminary formation, my efforts to graduate cum laude, and my different leadership roles, are for them, to give back with gratitude what has been given to me.
And it is in this particular lens that I want to see these last four months as one of the most important and valuable moments of my life. It is not just about the various A's and B+'s which came with countless hours of trying to put my ass in place and study, the positions I took in San Jose Seminary and in the Ateneo which people recognized with much respect, or the random pursuits (including this blog) that I thought of trying. Rather, it's more about the sharing of what all of us have - the reviewers, stories, scores, experiences, basketball games, drinking sessions, tambay moments, recreations, prayers, chant classes and music practices, night outs, and everything else that involves strengthening bonds not just with the self but also with others, that made this last four months worthwhile. These were the very moments wherein I was reminded of the most important things in life as well as the way they point to my vocation, to what I should really be. These were the last four months where I was able to wake up to the truth of who I really am and to become thankful for it.
They say that things get mushy and worth remembering only in the last days. And I think that it is true, but more than that, I think that these last four months is just a way to remember that the whole four years was worth it. Yes, I might have done a lot of mistakes and blunders, and there were a lot of good things that I missed.
But then, with all that has transpired, I can say that my life as a college seminarian is a basketball game worth playing. Maybe I would come out a winner or a loser by the time March kicks in… but it was worth it, no regrets or anything.
And this is just the start of my many goodbyes.
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