On Vulnerability

For most of nature, self-preservation is the name of the game.

It is true that all organisms in the natural world would seek to preserve life and well-being over everything else. In fact, this is the underlying principle of evolution, stipulated by Darwin's "survival of the fittest." Any creature will do anything - a reaction, a defense mechanism, or an act of escape, just to avoid any impending threat or harm, and be able to survive and live its life the way it should be.

This has been the principle by which everything lives, until man existed. It is out of his freedom and reason that, tracing the lines made by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, learns to go out his own instincts and chose to share himself rather than curl himself up, and ironically, he gains something from it, he grows in it, and becomes fulfilled in it. In giving up his desire for self-preservation, he gains life.

This irony in the human existence is well-manifested (in fact, is being shown how it is developed), in love. It is in love where one experiences the desire for self-preservation, but in the end, it leads to losing oneself, the willingness to become vulnerable in order to be united.

The invitation to love starts with an attraction, a strong drive to approach the other and form a relationship with that person. By its nature, attraction is primarily directed to the self. Most would say that attraction is based upon the primordial desire to propagate the species, but it's just one aspects. What is most salient in attraction is the fact that one desires for self-affirmation. I am attracted to that person because I feel that with whatever that I like about her makes me feel better. It makes me avoid the harm brought by loneliness and misery of being alone and having no one to be with. At this point, attraction indicates that a person needs someone in order to feel comfortable with himself and this world that he is placed in.

To secure this someone, the lover has to put his best foot forward to the beloved. He will be forced to bring out the best in him and appear as someone impressive and attractive for the beloved. This behavior moves in an outward direction, intended for the other, but still moves toward the self, as this is fueled by self-interest, which is, again, the desire to possess someone and get rid of the fear of isolation and loneliness.

Let's assume that this will work, and the lover is able to know and eventually become attracted to the beloved more than before. When it comes to the point that one has to make the work of true love happen, things take a drastic turn.

At this point, genuine care and concern plays its role, the direction would go as it should be - outward. When the lover begins to give his life to the beloved, then the principle of self-preservation is broken, because the lover will show and share all of himself to the beloved. Instead of establishing a form of defense mechanism that will prevent him from harm, he will completely reveal himself to her, from his strengths to his very weaknesses. The lover's being becomes vulnerable, susceptible to harm and pain that could be brought by the experience of sharing himself to the beloved.

In his experience of loving, the lover expresses, "This is all of me, in my totality. This is not just the best foot forward, but also the worst one behind as well. This is not just my strength, but also the weaknesses that I have. This is not just my confidence, but also my fears and apprehensions. This is not just the things that I am certain about you and me, but also the uncertainties that may face us." In loving, the lover presents himself totally, without any reservations. He reveals himself, and thus, he is susceptible to harm. In loving, he becomes vulnerable, open towards receiving every bit of pain and suffering that could be brought about in the process of sharing his life with the beloved.

And yet despite the pain, the lover remains. He does not fold and resort to any mode of protection that might hinder him from receiving the beloved, because he finds meaning in it. He finds hope in it. He hopes that after the pain has subsided and all the trials have been overcome, he remains. However, he is not alone in his remaining, for he is united with the beloved, and he finds his fulfillment in that unity. Although he is not assured that suffering and hurt will cease, he hopes that he faces this together with the beloved.

All through out his journey, he seeks to preserve himself, but in the end, the irony is there, where in his search for meaning, he loses himself and makes himself open for someone to be with him and share with him his life.

And at the end of this all, as he continues of the journey, he hopes.