Knowing Loving

Oh it is love from the first / Time I set my lips against yours / Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
-Hellogoodbye

Making sense of human existence unavoidably includes the search for the meaning of the experience of love. There is this wanting to understand what love is and, most importantly for some, what makes it special, distinct from other experiences. Perhaps one of the questions that experience continually bothers us is "how do I know that I love someone?"

The moment when we ask this question awakens us to the fact that love is a very unique experience in our lives. It is something that draws us, attracts us, and pleases us in life, that which makes us feel relieved in the midst of the absurdities and incongruencies that life has dawned upon us. However, it also reminds us that love is a responsible offering of oneself to that which gives you happiness. In asking this question, you go deeper and dwell into its authenticity, trying to know in what ways can we know that we are loving someone. It is an attempt to look through one's actions and then conclude whether one is loving or not towards another.

Are our sweet nothings and little moments enough to be called love already? Does my deep longing for that person already love? With all the things that we have been doing, is this love? When asking these questions, we put the starting point on our own experience s and deeds, actions which, when proven true, would lead us to conclude whether it is love or not.

But would it be right to start with these actions? Do we really have to start with these "proofs" and "evidences" so that we can conclude that it is love? Is love really the end of this equation?

I believe that we have to turn everything around. It is not the case that we should start with our perception of our actions as "proofs." If we start with those things, we will only see a shallow aspect of love, one that is manifested by concrete actions and thoughts. In the end, we will not be able to see love in its truest form.

The experience of love will only truly make sense if we place it as the starting point of our understanding. Love should be first and foremost primarily understood as a movement of the will. The decision to love is to take a leap towards greater meaning in our lives. It is only in the will to love, to offer oneself for the other by seeking her and seeking her happiness as well, that we come to understand everything. Yes, love might entail knowing someone and being on a certain level of intimacy; however, they could never become indicators of love. At the most, they are mere body contacts that do not really mean anything. All of these things make sense when we decide to love the other.

We say that love indeed makes the ride worthwhile. However, as seen previously, we can't even ask if we can make the ride or if its trips will be meaningful for it to be considered a good ride. It is only in riding and going for the trip, that we will be able to make every twist and turn of the vehicle worthwhile.

And thus, when we discard the question and instead put the will to love as a starting point, everything not only becomes different but also makes more sense. When a person primarily wills to love the other and makes it the center of things, then experiences will have a new meaning to reveal and a new light to shed in our minds and hearts. Each sign, symbol, and expression to communicate one's presence to the other are not just meaningless movements, because for the person who loves and is loved, they are acts which manifest love as an act of will. With the will to love, human existence is given a new direction and a meaningful purpose. Everything now is oriented towards achieving happiness by accepting the other as she is. With love, there is fullness of life. With love, there is meaning. With love, there goes the meaning of human existence.

But unless we decide to love, to take the leap and risk everything that we have for the other, nothing makes any real sense at all.